David Deida continues to be one of my favorite authors about male/female relationships and sex. And I could also word it this way:: David Deida continues to be one of my favorite authors about the divine masculine and feminine energies and about making Love. He basically emcompasses both. I could also say David Deida continues to be one of my favorite authors about Chics and Dudes and about getting it on. The reason I write it in these few different ways is because he is the one author that I have found able to change up his language in a few styles in order to talk about his subject from an honest perspective and a very wise perspective, I might add. This always shows me how important it is to use language to break down the ways we think about things, so that we look deeper and see ourselves clearer.
I began reading It’s a Guy Thing at a friend’s house and 3 sentences in, I just clicked on the laptop and ordered it from amazon…. it was so good.
Under the subject “Why do Men Balk at Commitment? He writes :
Men tend to argue for the possibility of love with real commitment. In response to men’s ideas about possible relationships, women often feel,, “I’m real. Don’t give me your theoretical bullshit. You’re either loving me right now or you’re not”. She wants concrete love. “Dont give me any of your heady philosophy. I’m not feeling your love right now. You’re not incarnating love right now”. She tests whether her man is really loving, or just thinking of love. “I am here. I am real. Love me”. She is here to love.
The man says, “I know you really want my attention, but can you feel love whether I am here or not? Can you be free and happy whether anything is here or not?” this is the masculine teaching of love.
The more full the masculine and feminine teachings of love are, the more close they come to being the same. At the meeting point, there is no difference between the masculine and the feminine. There is no difference between freedom and love. Since true love is all-encompassing, resisting nothing, it is totally free. And, since real freedom is fearless, with no sense of threatened self, it is completely loving. Freedom and love, masculine and feminine, are not different in their full fruition.
Yet there tends to be a concrete difference at the human level. The masculine is more able to stand outside of things and point out, “You are in a mood right now. This is just a mood. Remember love. In this moment, there is nothing preventing you. You don’t need this and that. You don’t need anything. Just remember love right now.” This is the masculine gift.
The feminine gift is like the sound of a ringing bell, a reminder of love in life. “Hey you! You are distracted in your theories and projects and TV> This is where love is expressed, with me. Right here. I m here to be loved. I m here loving you. The feminine calls the masculine into the beauty of life and the embrace of love.
We need both these gifts. Without the full masculine and feminine, we become weakened. One feminine weakness is to feel, “Unless I’m married, unless I’m in a long term intimate relationship, I can’t really experience love”. One masculine weakness is to think, “Well, if we get married I can’t be free. I don’t want to limit my life. I don’t want to be trapped.”
When we are balanced with ourselves and in our relationships, we are free to give our love without fearing dependency, loss of self or confinement. We are free and we are loving. If our relationship ends tomorrow, fine–today we give each other love. If our relationship lasts a lifetime, fine- today we give each other love.
This is one of the best explanations I have ever read. Instead of bashing men because they are committment phobes (I speak in a cliche, I realize they are not all committment phobes and that women can also exhibit this behavior) he points out how the impulse to shirk from that is coming from a wise understanding of love. When we can really communicate about these things with each other and understand the beauty of both sides of this committment debate, our relationships can be filled with more respect and more joy and way more trust:) I know from personal experience when you keep blaming men for your frustrations, instead of understanding better your own womanly nature and the beauty of the man nature, then life can be a struggle. Male hating for female hating really drag you down…..and are not true! Good men exist and so do good women!
If you would like to order this book feel free to click here to order of amazon…..save your dating life!
Many blessings on your dating path and feel free to see my website as well…