A large part of my work is helping people who have experienced sexual abuse. This is a very intense thing to have gone thru and not something that you can really rush thru. Sometimes, it manifests as a sexual issue and then upon addressing the sexual issue the abuse comes up to the surface. Over and over, what I have come to experience in my practice is that sexual abuse is something that is not often talked about and very often swept under the carpet. It never ceases to amaze me how often I hear of sexual abuse, and the person tells me they have never seen a therapist for it. If you have had sexual abuse, there are trained people, who are very knowledgable about this subject. Seek them out. It is much more common than you would guess and going for your healing, is an empowering and liberating choice for your life on all levels.
I am not a trained therapist in these issues, but I have trained in various sexual healing techniques, particularly thru tantra. I am now reading a very wonderful book about sexual abuse and am constantly getting further education about it. One of the essential things I have found, is that a person needs to re learn how to be in their body and feel safe. One of the books I am reading;; “The Sexual Healing Journey” by Wendy Maltz talks about re-learning touch and how important it is to re-introduce yourself to touch. Not just sexual touch…just plain touch.
” If survivors had no choice about who touched them sexually, or when or how or where, they may automatically assume that all touch leads to sex. Survivors may avoid touch that is sensuous and intimate but outside the sexual context: a friend’s hug, a coworker’s handshake, a nurse’s massage. A woman who had been abused by her mother, father, and brother described the dilemma: ” ‘I grew up without nurturing touch and with lots of inappropriate sexual touching. Now I am confused about touch. I’m afraid to trust someone to touch me and unsure that my touch will be received with pleasure if I touch someone else.'”
Survivors can’t erase the past. They were sexually abused and may never had a chance to learn to enjoy being touched. But it’s not too late to begin learning to enjoy touch now. It is possible to build a new mental file, a place to tuck away fresh, enjoyable memories, about touch, like saving snapshots from a wonderful trip. By creating new experiences, survivors can take off in directions they never dreamed they could travel…..
To enhance sexual healing, survivors can now go back and rebuild a healthy continuum of touch experiences. The key to remember is that sexual pleasuring comes after-and not until-you have learned to feel safe and comfortable with nonsexual touch…..
Survivors need to feel well-practiced in their ability to relax, stay present, and guide the touch activity before they can enjoy the unique pleasures inherent in sexual touch.”
She goes on to describe some very good touch exercises, that are simple and playful, non-sexual. If you would like to read more form her book….click below and order thru amazon, it is one of the most complete and thorough books I have ever read….
Blessings on your path and way. May you have the courage to heal and transmute all that is unfinished inside of you.